Checking on your little ones is probably a natural habit for you. But winging it shouldn’t be your approach to prioritizing your children in the mix of all the logistics of the divorce process.
Instead, you should consider all the ways you can make your child feel safe during a time of change. You can begin with an open conversation about your decision to divorce. From there, you’ll probably find that continuing to be as supportive and nurturing as you always were, allowing your child time to acclimate to their new living situation and leaning on support may help.
Address fault
As you and your ex first break the news to your children, it can be a good idea to let your children know immediately that your decision to divorce isn’t something that they could have prevented. Specifically, you may find it useful to tell them that your break-up isn’t their fault. Sure, you might feel resentment about how your life changed between your early years of marriage and your entrance to parenthood. But the choices you and your spouse made to build your family were adult ones you made together without consulting your children.
Allow time
When your child first receives word of your divorce or as you begin to ease into your new custody schedule, you’ll likely check in and ask your children how they are feeling and handling the changes. Talking about emotions can be difficult for people of any age. So, understand they might not be very vocal about how they are feeling right away because they are still processing everything. Then, try reopening difficult conversations later after giving your child some time and space to reflect.
Seek more support
You might put your best effort forward in making sure your child is okay post-divorce, but they still don’t want to talk about how they feel or continually express they are sad or upset. If the burden ever feels too heavy, you of course have your co-parent to lean on. But, if you need some extra help, you can consider seeking out a divorce support group or taking your child to see a therapist.
Each family goes through unique challenges during divorce. So, it’s important to use your parent intuition to be present for your children however you see fit.
